Life seldom turns out exactly how you plan, and sometimes it feels like you can’t catch a break. Frustrated expectations often lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-pity—especially when you look around and everyone else seems blissfully happy. 

What about me, God? Why do I have to go through this? Or even better, when will this be over? Throwing a pity party threatens to steal your joy by clouding your mind with feelings of despair. An assassin, killing peace and demolishing hope, making it difficult, if not impossible, to see liberty even when it is right in front of you. 

What is self-pity? 

Merriam-Webster defines self-pity as “Pity for oneself. Especially a self-indulgent dwelling on one’s own sorrows or misfortunes.” Like weeds in a garden, these feelings of discouragement grow and take over. If not tended to, passing thoughts of unhappiness turn into destructive behavior that stifles our growth and well-being.

Constantly focusing on your problems fuels inactivity, making it difficult to form new relationships because you may feel unworthy. Helplessness magnifies feelings of inadequacy and traffics the lie that “bad things always happen.”

Related: 8 Tips To Help You Quickly Change Your Mood

Self-pity can be challenging. Feelings of self-depreciation are addictive. Many use self-pity to gain attention from others, and that may feel good for a while. Yet, in the end, self-pity keeps you from living fully.

Meditating on scripture is one effective way to help you overcome self-pity because meditation enables you to find grace, conquer weakness, and renew your mind. Several Bible verses speak about freedom from self-pity. 

Making grace your focus

Meditating on scripture changes your focus. What you’re going through is not unique. All pain is known to God. He is faithful and will never put more on you than you can bear. When tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can endure it. 

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” — 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

Instead of focusing on unhappiness or distress, meditate on God’s grace. He never tires of showing you kindness and favor. When things are difficult, be confident that God offers his grace and mercy to help you through. Release self-pity. It is impossible to practice self-doubt and thoroughly appreciate the grace of God. 

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” — Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Rejoicing in weakness

Giving over to self-pity means surrendering to incapability or weakness. Yet, Paul says that we should delight in our weaknesses (instead of pitying them) because when we are weak, we are strong! 

Just think about Paul; he declared that he boasts about his weaknesses because he knew God’s power was on full display amid his imperfections.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

“For when I am weak, then I am strong,” confronts the tenants of self-doubt and hopelessness. You must have faith and recognize that the feelings of the moment are only temporary.

Banish feelings of discouragement by meditating on God’s perfect strength. No task is too great, regardless of how you’re feeling. Through grace, Christ makes you strong. 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

Renewing your mind 

Living in the fog of self-pity often causes a warped perspective. Everything is usually someone else’s fault, and you are the victim. Circumstances may also appear a lot worse than they are. It’s like the proverb that says, “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

Self-pity is cyclical. By focusing on unhappiness, you create more sorrow in your life. To break the cycle, you must renew your mind with the Word of God.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10 (NIV)

Meditating on God’s word brings awareness to the present instead of prioritizing past trouble. Transform your doubts by meditating on bible verses that strengthen and encourage you, verses that reveal the promises of God and how He sees you. By focusing on God’s perspective, you can learn to see yourself in a new light, a better light. 

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” — Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Self-pity and God’s word

Meditating on scripture helps you find grace, conquer weakness, and renew your mind; all essential tools in overcoming self-pity. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8

You are strong

Instead of fixating on fear or doubt, think of God’s endless grace. In moments of discouragement, embrace his excellent strength, remembering that no task is too great; through grace, Christ makes you strong. Seek out bible verses that reveal the promises of God and how he sees you. Self-pity cannot stand against God’s word.